Asland Ravensisle

dream log

2009-12-17T08:43:39Z

Weird one today, no visual input so all I have to go on were impressions/sounds/sensations. Also, let me preface this with an important distinction: this dream occurred in the nap-like sleep where I'm aware of the real world as opposed to real sleep where i'm a dead log.
Visually, there's nothing there, but I can feel separate parts of me communicating with each other. The part of me that really wishes it were truly asleep feels like it is almost whining, another part of me wants me to shut up. Suddenly it get the idea to just carve out as much sleep as it can and give it to whiny me. I can feel it carve parts of my brain and mold them together to make a large nugget of real sleep, in real life I can feel the part of my body that's awake but at the same time I can feel that nugget of sleep and how good it would be if I were in there. The actual carving process didn't quite hurt, but was very uncomfortable. Like the predecessor of a migraine moving in small precise lines through my brains.

firming up plans

2009-11-18T04:17:47Z

Ok folks, I'm headed to Austin this weekend. I have secured crash-space (thanks be to the Badger) and it looks like I will have more free-time than I originally thought. The main-reason I'm coming out is to go with my mom to the KU/Texas game, but since they finally announced that it won't start until 7pm, I've got most of the day to fill! yay!
Hopefully I'll see a lot of you! Someone mentioned that PNO may be this Friday night so that looks like a fun visit.

Things to do: get a new front tire as mine was slashed tonight, get a state inspection, pack

dream log

2009-11-14T09:28:35Z

Today I dreamt that I was playing craps. I wasn't rolling the dice, but I was betting a table in what was probably a casino. I couldn't see the roller, or I wasn't looking in that direction, but I was concentrating on the betting table and the dice results. I kept hearing a doppler effect of metal objects colliding into each other inside my head. In the dream it felt like the more I concentrated on the dice and the sound, the better my chances were of winning. It felt like if I could get the dice in my head to match the dice on the board I would win, and win big. If I wasn't going with my dad to Oklahoma in March, I think I'd be researching tickets to Vegas...

dream log

2009-11-10T22:32:32Z

Having a night full of dreams where you inadvertantly uravel all of creation is never fun. Especially if when you try to stop the unravelling, but all of your efforts only speed it along.

looking ahead

2009-11-03T07:34:20Z

I'm going to be in Austin on the 21st for the KU/Texas game. Mom's a KU alum and bought tickets. I'm thinking I could head out Austin way on the 20th and hang out with people if I could find crash space?
8D

consternation

2009-10-28T20:46:23Z

I finally decided that I am selling the house (100% fer shure). Today I got a phone call from 1/2 of the extremely cute lesbian couple I met at my birthday party. She and her partner suddenly need someplace to live. My immediate want is to,of course, help them out and give them the big room.
Problems:
I want to sell the house
R's little girl just moved into the big room (until they move out mid-December anyway)
The cute lesbian couple has two big dogs

Part of me wants to move R's girl back into my office and tell the couple to move on in. Part of me knows that it is probably a bad idea (3 dogs and a cat in the house, no telling the temperaments of the related animals, and I would probably hit on at least one of the girls despite knowing that she has no interest in me)
Knowing all of this, I still feel bad for telling them that I can't help them out right now.

Is there such a thing as a "white Knight" complex? Wherein the subject has a psychological need to help damsels in distress and feel completely miserable when such need cannot be fulfilled?

Good news

2009-10-09T07:22:03Z

So, I've been stressing about several things lately. 'Tis one of the main reasons I've not been posting much as I tend to draw inwards as more things pile on me. One of the major ones was removed earlier tonight though.
My mom had surgury on her shoulder and the Docs found out that her problems weren't as bad as they thought. Instead of repairing her rotator cuff, all they had to do was file done a bone spur (bursitis?) and clean out some arthritis. So instead of a 6-month to 1-year recovery, she's looking at about 3 months. So yay!

dream log

2009-10-07T06:57:09Z

My dreams for the last couple of months have been consistently about a game. As if when I go to sleep, I am dragged into a game. Some of the time I feel like I am a player, but only rarely. The rest of the time, I'm either a pawn or a piece or a scorekeeper of some sort. The game varies, but there are consistenly red and white tokens that demark progress - either in score or power I'm not sure. No matter what the action of the game is - be it puzzle, fighting, shooting, driving, whathaveyou - the red and white tokens appear or disappear. All of the different elements are tied into the game, and each dream builds off of the other. It is a progressive and consistent dream that has lasted for over two months. It is very disconcerting. Worse, I don't know if I'm on the winning or losing side. Worse still, if I am on the winning side, I don't know that I want to be a winner.

Back from the Virtual World Invitational 2009

2009-09-22T06:28:06Z

Wow, that was a whirl-wind trip. I was invited to compete with my team in a virtual reality gaming competition. (the entry fee was a wonderful b-day gift from my parents) We clashed with people from New Jersey, Dallas, and even Kalamazoo! The first couple of days I was in a bad funk and just couldn't get my head in the game. Then on Friday I got some friend and fuzzy therapy that helped me find my happy. Saturday and Sunday, my team and I kicked ass and took names. Our capture-the-flag team went undefeated. My pick-up group for Red Planet's: Martian Football went undefeated. And then in the single-elimination duelling known as the Gunslinger competition, my roommate and I went undefeated into the final bracket and faced each other. He is now the US Marshall and I am the US Deputy until the next Invitational in 2010. (Which might be in Chicago, but no-one knows yet)

I feel good in so many ways right now. And add to that, I've come back to work and lots of OT opportunities which will provide some financial help that I've been needing. I may even get to go to CMA afterall...

asland32 @ 2009-09-13T14:40:00

2009-09-13T19:45:39Z

Went to a party last night and had a blast. Met some lovely new people and enjoyed the company of friends. Lots of flirting, good food. General hanging out fun.

Why is it 85% of the time if I find myself really attracted to a woman she's attracted to women too? There was a girl there last night that hit every box of my mental checklist except one: likes men for dating purposes. ARRRRGH.

Frustrations aside, last night was terrific.

introspection

2009-09-03T09:42:52Z

I just finished watching Glee while at work. And now I'm sitting here wiping the tears from my eyes. Why am I crying? Because I realize that I'm missing something and have been for a long damn time. Passion
I'm not passionate about my work. I may have been when I first started, but it was squelched by the apathy of my co-workers long before I noticed it shirivelling up and dieing insdie me.
I'm not passionate about any particular person anymore. And I've been lacklustre in even trying to find someone.
There are a lot of friends that I haven't talked to, visited, some I haven't even thought of in some time. How freaking hard is it for me to drop an e-mail or call them (providing I still even have their contact info).
I have no ambitions other than being in my comfy little niche. I have no goals, other than an ephemeral sense of "I'd like to be married and have kids one day." And even that one has started to falter.
How do you kick-start a life that has gone into atrophy? How long have I been this dead inside and not even realized it. I'm about to turn 32 and I have no urge to do anything, to be anything.
I know I'm intelligent and talented, but I've never been good at actually making myself use either. I'm so freaking middle-of-the-road and accepting of things that I have no urge to grow in any direction. I'm not right or left handed, I'm ambidextrous. I'm not a liberal or a conservative, I'm a centrist. I'm not left-brain or right-brain, I'm dead center. I'm not this or that, I'm somewhere in the middle. I see both sides of the coin and instead of balancing on the edge, where it might be exciting at least, I'm balanced in the center of the coin. I have an IQ of 172 (or at least I did when I was a child) and do nothing, absolutely nothing, with it.
My romantic soul has been drained by fatalism and realism and I've lost my way. I haven't written any poetry, sung any songs, danced, or played an instrument in a long time. The most exciting thing I've done in a year was almost getting killed by a random act of nature, and even that has subsided into obscurity in my mind as it has happened before.

I'm so tired of the real world.

dream log & catchup

2009-08-17T04:57:00Z

Oi, I must be getting desperate for companionship. I dream of (evil, lieing, incestuous) Rowan last night and took her back. ugh.

In other news, I think I'm making the transition to overnights much better this time around. Melatonin helps.
My dad is starting to have issues with his memory. All signs point to early-onset alzheimer's. :( I absolutely have to take the OK road trip with him next Spring, it means so much to him.
Gypsy is having problems, but I think we may have determined that it is because there were ants in her food. Came home and found a trail of them and her food was crawling. *ugh* Tomorrow i will be buying and applying poison around the house to fix those little buggers. Cinnamon isn't cutting it.

dream log

2009-08-14T07:31:13Z

Couldn't sleep so I took a shot of Scotch with some melatonin...wow what a great dream maker:

My dream started off at a water-park under construction. I'm supervising a new tube ride that is programmable by the rider. The inner-tube has a little PDA attached that allows you to select the next feature of the ride. There's lazy river, raging rapids, log flume, whirlpool, and hurricane. While I'm in the ride and enjoying myself, I get shunted off to an unused/undeveloped section of the park. It just has a sluice running through barren land.
*change dream*
I'm at home in bed and my dad calls and tells me that my mom is dead. I have a long conversation with him and then go about taking care of things, letting my work know that I've got to go to the funeral and everything else.
*blink*
I'm at work trying to explain how I dreamt that my mother was dead. But that she was, in fact, alive and I had mis-informed them. I woke up as my supervisor was getting ready to fire me.

The funny thing is that the dream where my mom was dead wasn't half as disturbing as the dream where she wasn't dead and I had told everyone that she was.

today's a day

2009-08-11T10:29:45Z

Felicitous Natal Anniversary to czarina4!

dream log

2009-08-07T10:30:55Z

Interesting dream last night. The villains of the Marvel comics universe are fighting against Cobra from GI Joe. The villains are selectively allowing heroes to join their ranks as Cobra is somehow kicking their butts. I am, apparently, Mandrake the Magician (a 3rd-tier hero from the same era as Flash Gordan and the Phantom) and am in the interview/battle process. The best magic I can do is illusions. After my initial interview with Magneto and Venom, I mostly skirt the edges of the battlefield and try to help civilians by hiding them as they get away.

Only a slightly odd dream in that so many fictional character were made real by my mind. Not something I usually do, and other than the GIJoe stuff no reason I can think of for my mind to be dwelling on it.

craving

2009-07-30T06:00:57Z

Houston friends, I need help satisfying a craving. Does anyone know where I can get some lamb shista-wook? There used to be a place on Westheimer called "The Sands" that had a really good plate of it, but they've gone away. Help? Thank you ahead of time.

Yesterday was a day

2009-07-29T09:47:51Z

Sorry I'm a few hours late, but Felicitous Natal Anniversary to cryptickisses!!!! You are a very nifty person and share a b-day with my mom! (And my last name... how odd)

*HUGS*

schedule change

2009-07-25T19:12:58Z

Today is the last Saturday I'll be working (until they change my schedule again prolly a few years though).
From now on my schedule is midnight-8am Monday-Friday. Meaning I go to work Sunday night and get off of work Friday morning.
To celebrate my new schedule, I'm going to the first night of Shakespeare in the Park at the Miller Outdoor Theatre on July 31st (FRIDAY!!!!) night. They will be peforming 12th Night.

meme

2009-07-17T13:53:36Z

Ganked from badrahessa: 65 questions you never thought you'd be asked.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
left hand

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
red plaid with gray hood

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
probably not

4. Do you plan outfits?
in an off-hand sort of way

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
ambivalent

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
red sharpee cap

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
directing the cast of Harry Potter in a tactical tabletop battle

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
not yet, it's early

9. What are you craving right now?
peanut butter and strawberry smoothie

10. Do you floss?
yes, as needed

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
yuk

12. Are you emotional?
more than average for my gender

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000
once, when I was really mad and couldn't do anything about it

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
i use a spoon

15. Do you like your hair?
yes, but I still think it would be neat if it were white

16. Do you like yourself?
mostly

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
yes, but only if we were unguarded and I could ask questions that would get direct answers

18. What are you listening to right now?
Club WPT (poker programming) and machine white noise (electronic fans)

19. Are your parents strict?
only on some things, but for the most part no

20. Would you go sky diving?
still haven't made up my mind. probably

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
nope

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Billy Crystal and Reba McIntyre

23. Do you rent movies often?
not as often as I did when I worked for Blockbusted

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
dimly reflective is the best I've got here

25. How many countries have you visited?
seven

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
no

27. Ever been on a train?
several times

28. Brown or white eggs?
blue

29.Do you have a cell-phone?
yes

30. Do you use chap stick?
cherry chapstick brand chap stick

31. Do you own a gun?
yep, a Red Rider BB gun

32. Can you use chop sticks?
yes, but not the "correct" way

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
me, myself, and I

34. Are you too forgiving?
with very few exceptions, yes

35. Ever been in love?
sadly, yes

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
He'll be at the Video Game Concert/convention expo thing tomorrow as a member of the press

37. Ever have cream puffs?
yes, and I've puffed creams too

38. Last time you cried?
last night at Harry Potter

39. What was the last question you asked?
where did I put my pants?

40. Favorite time of the year?
Fall

41. Do you have any tattoos?
nope, too indecisive and my dad'd kill me

42. Are you sarcastic?
very. I r teh smart-ass

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
yes, decent movie too

44. Ever walked into a wall?
only because it was clear glass and there was a fantastic pinball machine waiting on the other side

45. Favorite colors?
purple, green, earth-tones

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
only playfully

47. Is your hair curly?
yep

48. What was the last CD you bought?
blank CD for burning?

49. Do looks matter?
my looks matter to me. if I'm going to be interested in someone they have to at least show that they care what they look like

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
yes, and have done so

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
nope

52. Do you like your life right now?
it is about to be in a state of upheaval so...meh

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
i nap with the TV on, sleep must have silence

54. Can you handle the truth?
mostly

55. Do you have good vision?
I do now, but that's because of the lasers

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
no, I'm right at 3. Lauren, Lynn, and my idiot supervisor

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
at least once a day, but not always

58. The last person you held hands with?
my roommate's daughter Aurora

59. What are you wearing?
tennis shoes, black jeans, polo shirt w/the FOX logo embroidered on it, hematite earring hoop

60.What is your favorite animal?
lynx

61. Where was your profile pic taken at?
at a party in '97

62. Can you hula hoop?
probably not

63. Do you have a job?
yes

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
pizza

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
on a moving pickup to get from the cab to the bed

birthday's a-plenty!

2009-07-17T12:13:24Z

Felicitous Natal Anniversary to:

cuddlyeconomist
cyndtechgoddess
blue_fairie

the awful dread

2009-07-16T18:32:24Z

With both roommates moving out sometime in the near future, I'm having to consider my options and think about what I'm going to do for living conditions. More than likely this means, selling my house and moving. The question is, buy a new house, rent an apartment, or rent a room (the latter two have been offered to me).
So today at work, I've been online house-hunting just to start getting ideas of what I'm looking for in the next house. I don't think I want to do the roommates/renting rooms route again. I want a smaller house so I have smaller utility bills. I don't need much other than a bedroom, office, living room/game room, kitchen, and a decent sized back yard for Gypsy. Closets are a must (at least the closet space in the master bedroom).
As of September I will have been paying for my current house for 6 years. When I bought this house: I had friends who were ready to move in with me to rent rooms, a serious girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry, a car that was 8 months away from being paid off, some money saved up for a down-payment, and no credit card debt.
Now I have: one friend who may or may not be looking for a room to rent, no gf (serious or otherwise), a dog that needs its space, a 3 years of car payments to go, no money in the bank, and $1300 in credit card debt.

Harsh decisions to make in the near future for me I'm afraid.

Harry Potter review

2009-07-15T16:19:59Z

First, two observations from the newest Harry Potter (no spoilers): 1 - I have never seen an audience leave a theatre with so many red rimmed eyes and running makeup stains. 2 - I have never seen so many people gather outside of a theatre afterwards to talk about the movie they had just watched.
I liked it; I really liked it. There were the necessary cuts from book to movie, but I honestly couldn't tell you what was cut*. The whole movie is shot in odd off-colors. It makes things look a little surreal, but at the same time more intense. This movie, just like the book, is not for the youngest HP readers/viewers. There are some scary moments, and I know one child at the theatre I went to had to be escorted out by the ushers. (Honestly can't blame the kid, that particular scene gave everybody an "ooh shit" moment.)
My favorite character is still Luna Lovegood. The casting director that found her deserves honors of some sort.

*Edit - I just remembered the one thing that I noticed was cut: the romance of Tonks and Lupin and the explanation of why her hair was so normal looking. A very minor plot point, that was touched on sufficiently for my personal preference.

ultimate solutions

2009-07-10T15:25:23Z

I keep listening to the news and all of the world's problems, and they all seem to have the same cause:
Economy - too many people, not enough stuff (so we're faking money)
Famine - too many people, not enough stuff (so we're faking stuff)
Ecology - too many people making too much stuff
Overpopulation - too many people making too many people
War - too many people dis-agreeing too many other people

So the simple solution is get rid of the people right? History teaches us that there are a few ways to do this: War, Expansion, Colonization, slaughter. The first and last solutions are frowned upon, but the middle two are aguably do-able, we just have to divert a few resources. There are vast tracts of land untouched by humans in Canada, Australia, the American Midwest, mountainous areas of pretty much all continents, and several other places. How to get people there? Again the obvious way is also the most harsh - debtor's prison colonies, illegal alien transports, etc. America was originally the dumping ground for people who were unwanted by everywhere else. Its time we open up a few of these untapped areas. Yes they are harsh and life there will be hard. No, no-one is going to voluntarily. We will either have to find a way to entice people to move out of their comfort zone, or we will have to find a way to force them to. This isn't just a problem for one country, this is a world-wide problem.
Other solutions - colonizing the ocean floors, creating new landmasses in the oceans (dig out the sahara, blow up some mountains), or the ultimate goal: space. Some of these actually were goals in the 50's and 60's, but we grew comfortable and lazy. The human spirit hasn't died it has been tamed and pacified. Humans are not grand unless they are stretching for something.
At some point we are going to realize that there isn't (and never has been) as much money as there is debt and we're just going to have to suck it up and absolve the debts that there are. That might be the way to move to a money-less society, but I doubt it.

Yes this is frustration venting, yes this is gross over-simplification. I don't care.

neighbor again

2009-07-04T14:00:02Z

My neighbor called the HOA on me for having a pole prop up my gutter. While technically it is a violation, I was only using it because the same neighbor's tree knocked my gutters loose. The neighborhood is in a "Critical Water Shortage" and has signs posted everywhere telling us to conserve water and only water with a hand-held hose. She used a reciprocating sprinkler for at least 7.5 hours yesterday. (She did worse a couple of weeks ago running the sprinkler from sometime before 8pm until sometime after 5:30am). Being the civic minded person that I am, I called the constable.
We shall see what happens.

Today's a Day

2009-07-01T03:58:59Z

Felicitous Natal Anniversary to perkyshai!